Prep steps.

This afternoon was the horseradish; tonight was the chocolate cake. At some point tomorrow, it'll be the lemon cake, and since we're leaving for Brooklyn early in the afternoon, it'll probably be first thing in the morning. It's less of a problem and more of an inconvenience. What's closer to a problem is my younger brother - hosting the Seder out in Brooklyn - doesn't yet know how many guests, and there's a discrepancy between when he told me we should show up and when my dad said we were told to arrive. I haven't voiced an opinion on any of this. I know it's not relevant. I've just asked questions I want answered, and I've made my peace with simply bringing the cake and the horseradish.

Each year, I relearn all over again how much that root doesn't want to be eaten. It drew first blood - I've got the bandage on my knuckle to prove it - and that helped push me onward to keep going until I'd gotten it down to the final nub. Then to do that again a couple more times. Weirdly, I'm looking forward to doing it again next year. Tricking myself into feeling like I've achieved catharsis from deep crying by forcibly exposing myself to raw horseradish fumes to get the crying done that way isn't a method I can use often, but once a year to prepare for the holiday is all right.