Ringing joyful.

Challenge #10

In your own space, write a love letter to Fandom in general, to a particular fandom, to a trope, a relationship, a character, creator, episode, or it could be your fandom friends. Share your love and squee as loud as you want to. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Dear Fandom,

I don't remember how I met you. I don't remember how I found you. It was like you were waiting for me patiently, to arrive in my own time. Was it a message board? Was it someone's personal site? Whatever it was, it was already there. I just had to find you to meet you. And we've been together ever since. Through message boards and mailing lists, through Livejournal and Dreamwidth, Tumblr and Twitter and the Archive of Our Own, places I've forgotten and places I look forward to going to once they come into existence for me to meet them.

You were around long before I was and you'll be here long after I go. But for now, I'm not going anywhere.

We've fought, and we've made up, and sometimes we have to take time outs to get a handle on our feelings. Sometimes I want to be alone, and sometimes I get tired of things. But not of you. It's not you I'm tired of. It's that the things you do sometimes will wear me out. Wring me out to dry, even. There's days you do them all the time and there's months that go by they never come up. When you do them I'll get angry and disappointed, and sometimes I'll get upset and sad, and sometimes, if things are really bad, I'll wonder if I should leave, if this is what you're doing. But I never mean it, when I wonder about leaving. I don't know where I'd go, because you always surprise me. You always turn around and show me something new that reminds me why I was so happy to meet you all those years ago.

You've been so kind to me. I know I've been lucky that you've never hurt me, as I know the possibility exists of being hurt by you. I'd be foolish to think you'd never hurt someone, and to know how lucky I am you've never hurt me is to be aware of that, thankful for it, to hope that someday nobody gets hurt. To work to see that I don't hurt anyone, and don't cause harm to come to anyone. You didn't teach me that, but I learned it from you.

Is it strange I'm glad it's you who taught me that?

And beyond it all, above everything, I wouldn't know what to do without you. I wouldn't know what to do if you left.

You've shown me so many great and wonderful things. You've introduced me to so many people, taken me to so many places. One person leads to another and another. One lesson builds on the next and the next. You take my hand, always gently, always carefully, and sweep me off my feet, every time.

I've gone dancing because I know you. I've screamed at the top of my lungs because I know you. I've laughed and cried and drank too much coffee and had way too much brandy that one time and learned how to maneuver a hangover. You've taught me how to be myself on purpose. You've given me strength when I was weak, laughter when I was sad, companionship when I was alone. A light to lead me through the dark. A hand, reaching out, always ready and happy for me to reach back out to you.

You've taught me how to be that hand, reaching out. It's a hard lesson to learn. It's one of the best lessons to learn.

Sometimes it's hard to stand the thought of you, and sometimes it's easy to be with you. There are times I get so tired of things, and of the things you do. But it's never you I get tired of.

You've been part of my life for so much of my life. You make me so happy.

Fandom, I'm happy to be with you.

Yours always,
Hannah