Someone get on this for me, please.

Without meaning to, I've fallen back into X-Men comics. Specifically, All-New X-Men, which I've been spoiled for thanks to Tumblr but still want to read for myself. There's no breaking the addiction; there's only waiting periods in between relapses. Thankfully the local library has most of the trades I want to read, so it's just a matter of waiting for them to get to me instead of hitting up every local Barnes & Noble and speed-reading through their stacks. In the meantime, I've been thinking about X-Men teams, and how All-New X-Men with its plot hook of "the original team goes to their future/comics' present to confront what happened to them" verges on outright deconstruction of the whole business of comics continuity morasses and gritty reboots - 'Did you see what happened to me? I hate what happened to me!' I know it won't get to genuine deconstruction, since Marvel sells commodities as well as stories, but it's gotten me thinking.

Specifically, how I'd redo the original five X-Men. They're my favorite superhero team, way up there with The Incredibles, and not only would I not want to change what's going on in the books right now, I know Marvel would never hire me for it. Which doesn't stop me from wondering during steam room visits.

Reconstruction, I guess.

Assuming that the team has to be assembled by Charles Xavier when they're all teenagers, and assuming it has to include Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Iceman, and Marvel Girl, and assuming the external plot points of mutant public perception's the same, and assuming the core personality traits have to sustain themselves, while keeping the basic tone and concept and ideology - Jean Grey's redesign is by far the easiest.

Her comics origin has her powers emerging when her best friend is hit by a car, and Jean's telepathy kicks in as she cradles her friend in her arms as she dies. Very tragic, very sad, very passive.

So instead of that, Jean jumps out in front of her friend, throws up a telekinetic brick wall, and the car smashes into it, killing the driver. But her friend's safe. Jean's still scared and upset about what she can do, but it's because she knows she can hurt people, not because she can get hurt. She doesn't go to live with Xavier for a long time; instead, she spends a few years hiding herself and trying to be ordinary until her telepathy starts murmuring. And here, since it comes in later and more slowly, Xavier doesn't keep it locked down under his control but helps Jean along as it emerges.

Her codename is simply "Marvel."

Iceman was similarly straightforward: make him the oldest one on the team. Still the team joker, still new to mutant powers in general and his in particular, but give him the most life experience before heading off to Xavier's. He already had a life, he had a future, he was starting college and looking ahead - and all of that's taken away from him in a way he never imagined. Keeping his personality more or less intact from the comics, but giving him different base reasons for the surface joviality - and opening up new folds for different interactions with everyone else changed as well - would offer a lot of rich storytelling possibilities.

(Bobby's slept with both of his girlfriends, and while he hasn't had sex with a man, he's not willing to deny thinking about it from time to time.)

( Since Beast is such a rich character, it took a little thought, and then the answer was blindingly obvious. )

( In this context, Scott's motivation for becoming the team's leader is because he hates having control taken away from him and getting ordered around. )

( One of the more noteworthy things about Warren is that he decided to be a superhero before joining the X-Men. )

The real challenge in all this goes beyond redesigning the characters and moves onto seeing if tone, concept, and ideology remain recognizable. That's the part which would take more work, and it's still something which could be pulled off without any fuss. Beyond remaining faithful to the original personality dynamics, beyond the two hooks of "inborn powers" and "mutants defending a world that hates and fears them."

I've seen it pointed out that of the major superhero teams at Marvel, the Fantastic Four is a family, the Avengers is a club, and the X-Men is a school. One of the best things about school in general is the sense, even if it's an arbitrary one, of shared community and purpose. Distilling that sensation for the X-Men, whatever the power set of any given team, would accomplish that.

Going beyond that to the X-Men as metaphor for chosen communities and oppressed culture - which, granted, can't shoot force beams out of their eyes in the real world, but this is comic books here - and it still all works.

And now that I've written this out, I can finally stop thinking about it.