Quick record before bed.

I told my therapist, there aren't any "but" statements with my parents. No "I love you but" sentences. It'd be an "and" sentence. I love you and don't expect anything else. Communication struggles, sharing personal information, like wanting to buy a fancy book for someone whom I've never seen in person or spoken to on the phone but consider a deep and intimate friend and with whom I've been in regular, almost daily interaction for years, or someone I've seen in person all of six or seven times. I know I need to want to be willing to bridge the gap. It's moving on that wanting which is difficult.

We talked about that, and we talked about the idea of personhood, and about how I pretty much only benefit from specialists instead of generalists. I told her about my poor experiences in high school with disability services, and the total inability to form relationships with the people on my Israeli Birthright trip. I nearly got close to crying a couple of times; there's a lot of resentment I don't think I'll ever be able to fully jettison.