Fumbling to make contact.
Jan. 3rd, 2020 12:51 pmChallenge #2
In your own space, talk about your fannish history. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
Playgrounds, blacktops, grassy fields, lining up for school assemblies: theorizing, hypothesizing, guessing madly, figuring out how all the pieces fit together, grabbing the latest issue off the rack at the grocery store or flipping through the shelves at the newsstand, hoping to catch the latest episode if you got home early enough after school or got up early enough on weekday mornings and not noticing the terrible animation, only seeing the grand stories.
Message boards: did you see the latest one, what do you think they said, what might they have meant, fanfic posted in huge chunks and never beta-read going off the walls in the most bizarre and wonderful ways because everyone's free to say what they like so long as the sysadmin allows it to go through.
Personal webpages: look, but don't touch, and enjoy, but never be satisfied.
Reading through trade paperbacks, buying digests as they come out, borrowing tapes from friends or renting them if Blockbuster or the library has them in stock, following long-running narratives piecemeal and only having the vaguest of guesses as to what happened in between the panels or during those unseen episodes. Missing a reference and grabbing it from context, fitting everything together like a crossword puzzle or a Swiss watch when a missing piece is finally found and read, or caught and watched, with the thrill of the unknown its own joy: the certainty there's more out there.
Fandom-specific archives: in-jokes, in-crowds, in-laws, certain ways of doing things, secret jokes hidden in author's notes, never writing down any of the specific social conventions and always feeling a little lost, still having fun and wondering what else is waiting to be found and never quite certain how to find it.
Mailing lists and pan-fandom archives: about twenty minutes of reading through serialized fiction before wandering away, frustrated at nobody ever finishing anything. Very rarely coming across an absolute delight of a story, like panning for gold when all the silt falls to the bottom and the true wealth shines through. Shouting at each other and never quite getting the back-and-forth conversations the format promised.
Livejournal: Icons! Nested comment threads! Personal journals for your friends and a public face for the communities! Putting the social into social networking, having a blast, coming in hot and never once questioning myself, being allowed to make mistakes and fall over because I know I'll be given a hand up and I can get back up onto my feet and keep going all the more wiser for having made the fall. Trying to fill up myself with as much as I can find and knowing how much better I want to be than how I am. Pushing myself and wanting to push harder, finally grasping the gulf of what I am and what I want to be, and having to cross that space one footstep at a time.
Message boards, again, briefly: Much the same as before, only this time with way more swearing.
Chat clients, chat networks, chat rooms, chat servers: Step in carefully, watching your feet at all times, barely glancing up until you're certain you've got your feet underneath you and looking at everyone's faces and understanding they're all happy to see you. Figure out what you've got to say and the best ways to say it, and finally learn how to type quickly to keep up with everyone.
Twitter: It sure is a thing that exists.
Tumblr: A place where you've got to work hard to have an easy time. Accepting it for what it is and not asking for more than it can give, and thinking of it as the New York City subway system in that it puts everyone on nearly equal social footing and can get me pretty much anything I want, and I have to be careful not to be trampled by a mariachi band or step in a puddle of piss. An excellent place to find content and learn that people exist, and a terrible place to actually talk to them.
Dreamwidth and the AO3: A comfort, an ease, a hard-won victory to not be taken for granted. Spoiled for choice and left unsatisfied, and knowing I can find satisfaction in doing it myself. Looking back on the wildness that's been lost, looking forward towards the expansive cultivation that's been gained, swapping a forest for a botanic garden and sometimes it seems a fair trade. Finding everything with a few quick searches and never having to wonder, ever again, what's in between the missing pieces because nothing's ever missing anymore. Only the anticipation of what's to come, with everyone holding their breath together, hands clinging tightly as we hold our breath and tell ourselves we would have loved this at ten years old and we still want to love it as ten year olds but can't get that spark back. No matter. There's more to love and more to enjoy every day. More crazed theories and more mad guesses.
Being able to see the terrible animation this time around, and having to work to pay attention to the grand stories, and still just as happy to be here as I was way back in the schoolyard.
In your own space, talk about your fannish history. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
Playgrounds, blacktops, grassy fields, lining up for school assemblies: theorizing, hypothesizing, guessing madly, figuring out how all the pieces fit together, grabbing the latest issue off the rack at the grocery store or flipping through the shelves at the newsstand, hoping to catch the latest episode if you got home early enough after school or got up early enough on weekday mornings and not noticing the terrible animation, only seeing the grand stories.
Message boards: did you see the latest one, what do you think they said, what might they have meant, fanfic posted in huge chunks and never beta-read going off the walls in the most bizarre and wonderful ways because everyone's free to say what they like so long as the sysadmin allows it to go through.
Personal webpages: look, but don't touch, and enjoy, but never be satisfied.
Reading through trade paperbacks, buying digests as they come out, borrowing tapes from friends or renting them if Blockbuster or the library has them in stock, following long-running narratives piecemeal and only having the vaguest of guesses as to what happened in between the panels or during those unseen episodes. Missing a reference and grabbing it from context, fitting everything together like a crossword puzzle or a Swiss watch when a missing piece is finally found and read, or caught and watched, with the thrill of the unknown its own joy: the certainty there's more out there.
Fandom-specific archives: in-jokes, in-crowds, in-laws, certain ways of doing things, secret jokes hidden in author's notes, never writing down any of the specific social conventions and always feeling a little lost, still having fun and wondering what else is waiting to be found and never quite certain how to find it.
Mailing lists and pan-fandom archives: about twenty minutes of reading through serialized fiction before wandering away, frustrated at nobody ever finishing anything. Very rarely coming across an absolute delight of a story, like panning for gold when all the silt falls to the bottom and the true wealth shines through. Shouting at each other and never quite getting the back-and-forth conversations the format promised.
Livejournal: Icons! Nested comment threads! Personal journals for your friends and a public face for the communities! Putting the social into social networking, having a blast, coming in hot and never once questioning myself, being allowed to make mistakes and fall over because I know I'll be given a hand up and I can get back up onto my feet and keep going all the more wiser for having made the fall. Trying to fill up myself with as much as I can find and knowing how much better I want to be than how I am. Pushing myself and wanting to push harder, finally grasping the gulf of what I am and what I want to be, and having to cross that space one footstep at a time.
Message boards, again, briefly: Much the same as before, only this time with way more swearing.
Chat clients, chat networks, chat rooms, chat servers: Step in carefully, watching your feet at all times, barely glancing up until you're certain you've got your feet underneath you and looking at everyone's faces and understanding they're all happy to see you. Figure out what you've got to say and the best ways to say it, and finally learn how to type quickly to keep up with everyone.
Twitter: It sure is a thing that exists.
Tumblr: A place where you've got to work hard to have an easy time. Accepting it for what it is and not asking for more than it can give, and thinking of it as the New York City subway system in that it puts everyone on nearly equal social footing and can get me pretty much anything I want, and I have to be careful not to be trampled by a mariachi band or step in a puddle of piss. An excellent place to find content and learn that people exist, and a terrible place to actually talk to them.
Dreamwidth and the AO3: A comfort, an ease, a hard-won victory to not be taken for granted. Spoiled for choice and left unsatisfied, and knowing I can find satisfaction in doing it myself. Looking back on the wildness that's been lost, looking forward towards the expansive cultivation that's been gained, swapping a forest for a botanic garden and sometimes it seems a fair trade. Finding everything with a few quick searches and never having to wonder, ever again, what's in between the missing pieces because nothing's ever missing anymore. Only the anticipation of what's to come, with everyone holding their breath together, hands clinging tightly as we hold our breath and tell ourselves we would have loved this at ten years old and we still want to love it as ten year olds but can't get that spark back. No matter. There's more to love and more to enjoy every day. More crazed theories and more mad guesses.
Being able to see the terrible animation this time around, and having to work to pay attention to the grand stories, and still just as happy to be here as I was way back in the schoolyard.
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