Fragile as the sea.

Feeling much more stable than I did a few hours ago, if quite worn-down and tired. Going to the gym and lying in the steam room for about fifteen minutes and taking a cold shower helped a lot, and while I haven't gotten as much finished today as I'd like, I got enough started that I know if I push it and manage things properly I can complete them on Sunday. Which I can live with.

I don't anticipate tomorrow a great deal; there are some conversations I don't want to have but need to. It's troubling when the tools I need to work with, or the resources I need to access, are seemingly being deliberately held back from me because I don't know how to ask for them. Earlier I said it feels like needing a car fixed, and being handed a screwdriver and then having the lights turned off - I say this not having ever owned a car in need of repairs, but also having had a lot of experiences in not knowing the right words to use to get the help I've needed from places purporting to offer what it is I'm looking for. It's the thing when you're too specialized for general help, but too much of a generalist to get any specialized help. It's a limbo.