There are some days in which I accept depression, insofar as it helps me with the job hunt - odd as it is, I find being tired and low a decent way to help me sort through various listings, to better weed out the ones I honestly wouldn't have a chance with. When I'm feeling more upbeat, I tend to think I might be able to adapt or manage with certain workplace environments or learn the responsibilities on the job; when I'm not, I know I'm not yet capable of such things, and simply move on. This probably isn't the best way of dealing with the whole thing, but it's at least fairly painless. I told my therapist about this, and how worn down I am with the hunt most of the time. And honestly, there's no way to escape it except see it through to the end when I get a permanent job somewhere.
My therapist and I agreed that having yet more to do - appointments, meetings, commitments - basically, having more structure to my life would help me a great deal. I'm fine with pushing through to do all the work necessary for a week's worth of cover letters in a few days and stay miserable but get it over with, but it's difficult when I don't have much pushing me to be done by a certain time or date. And it's very hard to fight the inertia under my own power when it manifests as sleepiness, to the point where I'll lie down beside unfolded laundry and nap there for fifteen to twenty minutes because I don't even want to sit at the computer.
It's the problem of getting those things to begin with. Without a good network to use to keep in touch with good information and personal updates, it's easy for me to lose touch with people. There's a meet-and-greet alumni thing tomorrow night a short subway ride from my apartment, and I told my therapist how I don't really want to go on account of likely having little in common with the other people attending. Aside from being bipedal carbon-based lifeforms that attended the same grad school, I don't think I'll have much to talk about. This is a longstanding feeling, too; outreach efforts and career days and clubs rarely have done much for me, because it's so hard for me to get to know people with whom I have things and interests in common that aren't the bipedal and carbon-based types of commonalities.
As usual, so many of the things I'd like to do or would appreciate are thwarted by my lack of ability to form social connections.
I might well go to the alumni thing anyway, to have something to push me through the day.
My therapist and I agreed that having yet more to do - appointments, meetings, commitments - basically, having more structure to my life would help me a great deal. I'm fine with pushing through to do all the work necessary for a week's worth of cover letters in a few days and stay miserable but get it over with, but it's difficult when I don't have much pushing me to be done by a certain time or date. And it's very hard to fight the inertia under my own power when it manifests as sleepiness, to the point where I'll lie down beside unfolded laundry and nap there for fifteen to twenty minutes because I don't even want to sit at the computer.
It's the problem of getting those things to begin with. Without a good network to use to keep in touch with good information and personal updates, it's easy for me to lose touch with people. There's a meet-and-greet alumni thing tomorrow night a short subway ride from my apartment, and I told my therapist how I don't really want to go on account of likely having little in common with the other people attending. Aside from being bipedal carbon-based lifeforms that attended the same grad school, I don't think I'll have much to talk about. This is a longstanding feeling, too; outreach efforts and career days and clubs rarely have done much for me, because it's so hard for me to get to know people with whom I have things and interests in common that aren't the bipedal and carbon-based types of commonalities.
As usual, so many of the things I'd like to do or would appreciate are thwarted by my lack of ability to form social connections.
I might well go to the alumni thing anyway, to have something to push me through the day.
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