Timeline and abstraction.
Sep. 19th, 2011 03:15 pm8:35 AM, Friday morning: Hey! I have enough money to afford the hotel fee and registration at BASCon! I can totally go!
8:38 AM, Friday morning: No, wait, I don't know anyone to split the room fee and I couldn't get my parents to agree to it.
8:41 AM, Friday morning: ...and of course I don't know anyone who'd be willing to see me and I'd like to do a road trip but I couldn't get anyone to agree to it and and and...
8:42 AM-10:57 PM, Saturday: Generalized funk.
I really would very much like to get out of here, even if it's just for a few days, especially to California in general and the Bay Area in particular, but it would be fantastic and nearly beyond belief if I could spend a couple of weeks going up up the West Coast and seeing things I've never seen before and shaking the hands of people I've only spoken to online, and I have the suspicion it won't come to pass because of how my parents are towards me taking time off from...whatever the hell it is that I'm doing. Internships and job hunting. Which is gradually growing more and more abstract.
I could try asking them about it, but I'm pretty certain what they'll say, which will just be no. When I tell them I'd like to get out of New York, they suggest day hikes on trails in driving distance and volunteering at local parks. Maybe I should tell them I need to get away from the city, but they grew up here, and I don't think they'd understand.
I'll probably spend a couple more days moping and then use the money on new gym shoes and pajamas. When I think about the amount of travel the rest of my family's done, and will do, and how little I've done, it makes me a little sick. And when I think about the sheer volume of friends people I know have, it makes me sick to think I won't ever be as lucky as they are to know people willing to meet them in person. Or even just help them connect with other people online. I try to be present, I try to contribute and listen, and what I do isn't ever enough.
I'm really starting to think there's no way out of here.
8:38 AM, Friday morning: No, wait, I don't know anyone to split the room fee and I couldn't get my parents to agree to it.
8:41 AM, Friday morning: ...and of course I don't know anyone who'd be willing to see me and I'd like to do a road trip but I couldn't get anyone to agree to it and and and...
8:42 AM-10:57 PM, Saturday: Generalized funk.
I really would very much like to get out of here, even if it's just for a few days, especially to California in general and the Bay Area in particular, but it would be fantastic and nearly beyond belief if I could spend a couple of weeks going up up the West Coast and seeing things I've never seen before and shaking the hands of people I've only spoken to online, and I have the suspicion it won't come to pass because of how my parents are towards me taking time off from...whatever the hell it is that I'm doing. Internships and job hunting. Which is gradually growing more and more abstract.
I could try asking them about it, but I'm pretty certain what they'll say, which will just be no. When I tell them I'd like to get out of New York, they suggest day hikes on trails in driving distance and volunteering at local parks. Maybe I should tell them I need to get away from the city, but they grew up here, and I don't think they'd understand.
I'll probably spend a couple more days moping and then use the money on new gym shoes and pajamas. When I think about the amount of travel the rest of my family's done, and will do, and how little I've done, it makes me a little sick. And when I think about the sheer volume of friends people I know have, it makes me sick to think I won't ever be as lucky as they are to know people willing to meet them in person. Or even just help them connect with other people online. I try to be present, I try to contribute and listen, and what I do isn't ever enough.
I'm really starting to think there's no way out of here.
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