Adventures in social interpretations.

[hannah]

The coconut bread was a hit, with most of it gone by the time I left work, but I've got the odd experience of not knowing if I should bring in something again next week or any time in the future.

I got a number of compliments on it, which was nice, and two of my co-workers each gave me a sort of cheerful berating over how they were on diets, which was more puzzling than anything else. Without getting into any of the reasons or philosophies behind personal food choices, it's that they didn't ask me to not bring in stuff later. Nobody said anything to the effect of "it was very generous and kind of you but I need you to not do this again." They joked how I must have known they were starting diets and that I was tempting them. Stuff like that.

I can understand not bringing in baked goods because it'd violate office decorum, or someone politely asked me not to, or it's a kosher workplace and my kitchen's not up to their standards. Those are all solid reasons. But the joking they did has just left me baffled. I don't know if they were bothered by the coconut bread's presence or not; I definitely don't know if I hurt their feelings in any way. I don't think I did. Even if I go from the words alone in their jokes and discount tone and context, I'm still pretty sure they weren't being mean. I really couldn't tell what they wanted me to get from that.

So I might make a simple chocolate cake two weeks from now, and see what happens.

Comments

[dine]

obviously I don't know your coworkers, but many people (especially woman) have a really weird attitude toward food - especially treats/desserts. it's often couched as "being naughty" if they indulge, and that can sometimes translate into a semi-teasing 'blaming' of the person who provides said treat. this may (or may not) be part of what was going on.

I think if you're inspired to make something and take it in at some point in the future, go ahead - if there are any actual issues, I'm sure someone will mention it. otherwise, their inability to resist temptation isn't on you

[hannah]

I'm going to make a coffee-orange-cranberry-cardamon cake, and no one can stop me!

[dine]

and then you'll mail me some, right? because that sounds damn delicious!

[hannah]

It'll be this, without the topping, and a half-cup to one cup of dried cranberries added to the batter.

[dine]

that does sound pretty tasty - think I'll add it to the list of things to try one weekend!

[hannah]

It's easy to throw together, and cardamon doesn't get to play the starring role often enough.

[umadoshi]

+1

[silailo]

I think it's okay. :) It doesn't sound to me like they were bothered by the bread. If someone really, really didn't want you bringing in food, they'd tell you. I've never been in a working environment where food was not welcome, and if someone didn't like what was brought in, or for some reason their diet wouldn't allow them to eat that kind of food, then they simply abstained. Not your fault people don't have willpower! :p

[hannah]

I'm going to go by this, and fight back negative messages about women's desired appearance with sheer hedonism.

[lilacsigil]

I find that kind of talk annoying too, but it's very common when there's something nice to eat at work (my workplace is almost all female). I think it's the same kind of female bonding as negative body talk and diet talk. I find it annoying at best, distressing at worst. But it definitely doesn't mean that you shouldn't bring food in - if they really don't want to eat it (or can't eat it) they won't. Also, January is a very common time to start diets because of New Year.

[hannah]

Yeah - I kept thinking that I wasn't making them eat it, and that their choices weren't my responsibility. I feel like I should do an experiment and bring in something savory and whole-wheat and see what they say then.

[darjeeling]

It sounds like it was more of a foot-in-mouth on their parts, of trying to make self-depreciative jokes and it just flopping. I definitely wouldn't let it discourage you bringing in treats in the future.

[hannah]

I've always had a hard time grasping that kind of humor. Or when that kind of humor's being used.

[darjeeling]

LOL, probably because it's not actually funny. No one thinks putting themselves down is funny anymore (thankfully).

[venturous]

people get strange around food in the office. I once tried to ask colleagues not to leave the giant box o donuts outside my cube, because, no sugar, right? (I'm too fat, and I was really working WW at the time). There were a few laughs but no one did anything. I took them to the kitchen.

another time, I was making these awesome pre packed meals for lunch - salmon, brown rice, broccoli, and my employee first seemed to desperately envy my lunch, I worried she might swipe it. When I explained what I was doing, (lo carb, no sugar) she left pastries on my chair, and waved cookies under my nose, trying to tempt me.

anyone remember going home from college announcing you were vegetarian? people are weird about food, and often, not in an honest way!

[hannah]

Those are flat-out dick moves made by someone that didn't respect you. One of the women who made the jokes said something about having to pay attention to what she ate, and I said that I keep kosher, which means I have to - so yeah, I wouldn't do anything like what your coworkers did.

[venturous]

heavens, I wasn't thinking you - just take lightly other peoples food weirdness. I think any time someone sets standards, it makes others consider their own, and sometimes uncomfortably.

[hannah]

It's fine; I knew you weren't speaking to me about that. It was more that many people seem to take a lot of things for granted, up to and including being polite.

[blackmare]

Echoing what everyone else said, and I'll add that, our culture regarding women, our weight, and food, is so screwed up that "Oh, how could you bring this amazing ~naughty stuff to us" should most likely be translated as WE LOVE THIS, YOU ARE AWESOME.

It's weird. It's something I had to train myself out of doing, and I still catch myself about to go there sometimes. We just pick it up by cultural osmosis, I guess.

[hannah]

It shouldn't be so hard to say "thank you" and it shouldn't be hard to say "excuse me" instead of "I'm sorry." Pah.

[akamarykate]

Echoing what others are saying: women are weird around food, and it's born of conditioning and confusing as hell. Sunday at church several of the girls were selling GS cookies and my sister came up to me and said, "I wish we could ban women from telling these scouts how bad these cookies are for their diets *as they order them anyway*."

Anyway. Make your goodies! Offer them, let your coworkers take responsibility for thier choices, and if they complain like that you can always talk about how you enjoy the process of baking and direct the focus away from consumption.

[hannah]

I think I'll do just that. And then I'll say I take requests, allowing them participation in the process.

[ruuger]

Echoing the others: I'm 99% certain that they were just making a clumsy joke. Kinda in a way shifting the responsibility of doing something 'bad' to you, and at the same time asking you to continue giving them the excuse to indulge. So I'd say those comments were more their way of saying that you should do it again than asking you not to do it.

[hannah]

If I'm going to be their excuse, I'm going to be their best excuse and throw in my all behind savory scones and luscious cakes.

[ruuger]

Sounds like an excellent plan :D

[karalee]

+1!

[lebateleur]

As a proud office bottom feeder, I am always excited and thankful when anyone brings in some kind of treat. And I'd agree with the other comments that the two co-workers probably didn't mean to imply anything with their comments, but were just following the stock social script for many women about how they love eating even when they "know" they "shouldn't."

[hannah]

A while after the topic of dieting came up, I said, "Imagine how many industries would go bankrupt if all the women around the world woke up tomorrow and decided to eat whatever they wanted."

And in complete unison, two women looked at each other and said, "Shiiiiiit."

[lebateleur]

And imagine how many industries would go bankrupt if using their products actually helped anyone lose weight.

But that's awesome. Hopefully your point will stick with your coworkers.