On pattern recognition.

[hannah]

There's a fairly major archivist's group with local meetings that I haven't yet done much to get in touch with. Similarly, I don't tell my dad if I'm having a bad day, like if I'm too anxious in the morning to think about going to my volunteer gig. In both cases, I'm convinced there's no point, as I won't be able to accomplish anything - I know going in that no amount of effort I expend will result in a reward for me, either in terms of professional development or empathy.

I didn't tell my therapist this; we kept on talking about On Killing and why children's movies should be taken seriously. It's something that's a pattern, though, and I need to pay attention to it, to better take advantage of opportunities in the future.

We did talk about the necessity of knowing it's all right to be scared. I almost cried talking about how I felt after I moved to New York and all the pressures I had to cope with, internally, externally, and professionally, and how no one ever said it was safe or acceptable to be stressed or frightened. It would've helped a lot, hearing that.

Comments

[newredshoes]

I know all about the catastrophic thinking. I more than know, on so many levels and in so many arenas. There's not really much else I feel like I can say, except that I hope you kick it, because it keeps all of us from taking chances and being happier. (And I'm not fond of offering unlooked-for advice when it's not requested, but if you ever want to know about little tricks that have worked for me, I'm happy to share.)

[hannah]

If it's not too late to ask for them, may I hear said tricks?

[newredshoes]

I'm trying to remember what I was thinking of. Mostly I try and ask myself two questions: How much will I regret not doing this? What's the actual worst thing that could happen?

I also try and remember how, whenever I do something that I don't want to do, I'm usually surprised in some pleasant or interesting way, and that rather than having that experience, I might have been sitting on my couch alone waiting for someone else to tell me about something that happened to them.

Does that help?