Better than the last.

It's just as true this year as every other year, which is one thing that doesn't change. This past year's been an intense one moreso than usual, but that's true of any year with an eclipse in it. That's true of any year with whale watching and eating an entire watermelon. Any year with a family wedding.

This year I made bad decisions, I said bad things, and I deliberately did something harmful I haven't done in a very long time. It's been a year of isolation, of frustration, of being talked over or dismissed by people close to me, of struggling to get my thoughts out and put my feelings into words without enough time to really get into everything. It's been a year I've started crying more. I've felt distanced from my family, distanced from my friends, distanced from myself.

It's been a year of learning to live with bad decisions as best I can. This year I traveled back to California and climbed mountains. I've worked to make new friends, and I've been brought to tears by the friends I've had for a long time. I've written thank-you cards and donated blood and finished projects I've carried around for years - I'd said I'd get to them eventually, and this year, the right time finally came. I've been told by people who know what they're talking about that I've got something good to offer, whether or not anyone at a publishing house takes me up on that.

I made an effort to go out and see movies, and to see people. I finally finished going to my brothers' weddings, God willing, and had a lovely time at a friend's wedding, God willing it'll happen again. I know what's coming, and I know I'm going to be there to see it. I set high goals and while I didn't meet them all, I'm going to make higher ones for next year to see how close I get.

And every year, I have reason to believe.

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