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Weekly write-up.
I got to my therapist's office about twenty minutes late, thanks to my sleeping in and the local trains being delayed. It still went well - most of the time we talked about socialization and conversation, and the intensity of feelings and connection.
What I should do today is track down a copy of the latest episode of The Newsroom to watch it so I can talk to one of my co-workers about it. She expressed mild interest last week, but refused to provide an opinion until she'd seen it - and not just an opinion on the work, anything relating to it at all, even on Aaron Sorkin's recent productions and current career trajectory. It threw a very sharp light onto the fact that she and I talk with very different intensity settings. I don't expect people to be intense about brief greetings and status updates in the hallway - though I do still expect "how are you" to be a genuine question and not a greeting - but if we're talking about something in which we both have some investment, like True Blood, I expect the other person to show some level of enthusiasm. When that came up last week, she didn't seem committed to it one way or another.
I enjoy intense conversations. I like being able to meet someone face-to-face and giggle and laugh and grab them and jump up and down and scream in delight. I really enjoy making that sort of direct connection, and it stymied me when I couldn't get that with someone whom I'd thought I could. I'm not sure if she was just busy, if she's not a generally enthusiastic person, if I came on too strongly, or some alternative possibility.
I told my therapist it took me a long time to accept and understand I do have deep enthusiasm for things, that I am moved by what I encounter in the world - for a few years, most of my socialization and conversations were online, and because I didn't do things like type blog posts of nothing but "askhhajaahhfbbllaaahhh" or somesuch, I felt like I wasn't being properly emotive or feeling things right. Then I realized it's more that when I get to the computer to type something, I'm sitting down to communicate with people, and without the option of grabbing them to jump up and down and scream in delight, I need to use my words. Even if I'm saying something like "HIS LITTLE FAAAAAAACE". I've literally rolled around on the floor out of sheer joy and excitement for what I've seen on TV or read online, because that was all I could think to do. And by the time I get to the keyboard, I'm thinking of what words to use.
And Meet The Pyro debuts tomorrow. I know I'm going to be overwhelmed - pretty much like being pushed under the waves, I'll be pushed under the waves of emotion. I'm really looking forward to it, since I love that sort of emotion high. The stimulation! And I can get feelings like that from strong conversations, too, if things go right. I'll regroup, prepare, and try for another one tomorrow.
We also talked about t-shirts and black comedy for a while, both of which I could stand to talk about more in general.
What I should do today is track down a copy of the latest episode of The Newsroom to watch it so I can talk to one of my co-workers about it. She expressed mild interest last week, but refused to provide an opinion until she'd seen it - and not just an opinion on the work, anything relating to it at all, even on Aaron Sorkin's recent productions and current career trajectory. It threw a very sharp light onto the fact that she and I talk with very different intensity settings. I don't expect people to be intense about brief greetings and status updates in the hallway - though I do still expect "how are you" to be a genuine question and not a greeting - but if we're talking about something in which we both have some investment, like True Blood, I expect the other person to show some level of enthusiasm. When that came up last week, she didn't seem committed to it one way or another.
I enjoy intense conversations. I like being able to meet someone face-to-face and giggle and laugh and grab them and jump up and down and scream in delight. I really enjoy making that sort of direct connection, and it stymied me when I couldn't get that with someone whom I'd thought I could. I'm not sure if she was just busy, if she's not a generally enthusiastic person, if I came on too strongly, or some alternative possibility.
I told my therapist it took me a long time to accept and understand I do have deep enthusiasm for things, that I am moved by what I encounter in the world - for a few years, most of my socialization and conversations were online, and because I didn't do things like type blog posts of nothing but "askhhajaahhfbbllaaahhh" or somesuch, I felt like I wasn't being properly emotive or feeling things right. Then I realized it's more that when I get to the computer to type something, I'm sitting down to communicate with people, and without the option of grabbing them to jump up and down and scream in delight, I need to use my words. Even if I'm saying something like "HIS LITTLE FAAAAAAACE". I've literally rolled around on the floor out of sheer joy and excitement for what I've seen on TV or read online, because that was all I could think to do. And by the time I get to the keyboard, I'm thinking of what words to use.
And Meet The Pyro debuts tomorrow. I know I'm going to be overwhelmed - pretty much like being pushed under the waves, I'll be pushed under the waves of emotion. I'm really looking forward to it, since I love that sort of emotion high. The stimulation! And I can get feelings like that from strong conversations, too, if things go right. I'll regroup, prepare, and try for another one tomorrow.
We also talked about t-shirts and black comedy for a while, both of which I could stand to talk about more in general.