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I should write these earlier in the day.
This Sunday I held off on applying for an internship because the process called for some online forms. I had to update an account with a university, and that required a lot of filling-in-the-blank for education and job history, since I made the account when I was still in grad school and haven't applied to anything there since then. It was a surprise, and the prospect of doing my job history again sent me right into depressive mode. I managed to do it Monday just fine, because I set that time aside for exactly that task, but getting past Sunday night was a struggle. So I talked to my therapist about it.
We moved on from there to talk about the construct of reality, and I said I feel like it's been an elusive concept since the 1950s. What's going on now is a huge manifestation of unreality - so much of what's going on with the economy, and money, the stock market, values, all these things, it's not really real. It's not something which can be held or picked up - it can be manipulated by other unreal things. Stuff like e-mail, to me, seems real enough because, while it can't be handled, works as a communication venue and a new expression of an older idea. But so much of what people talk about when they talk about the economy doesn't seem real to me. I know there's not a lot going on out there because there's less money, less going on, but it's hard to fit it all into my head because I can't get to the bottom of it to begin with. Things like online forms exacerbate this. It's like if they're not going to read my CV, they could at least admit to it. So we spent some time on that.
I talked about how I'd like to channel these feelings into what I'm writing, if I had the space - that if I wasn't doing cover letters, I'd be writing instead. So we talked about writing as self-expression, and how I go about that. When it's fiction, it's not me, but if I can make the emotion authentic, then I know I'm properly communicating. And that's something which I can fit into my head.
We moved on from there to talk about the construct of reality, and I said I feel like it's been an elusive concept since the 1950s. What's going on now is a huge manifestation of unreality - so much of what's going on with the economy, and money, the stock market, values, all these things, it's not really real. It's not something which can be held or picked up - it can be manipulated by other unreal things. Stuff like e-mail, to me, seems real enough because, while it can't be handled, works as a communication venue and a new expression of an older idea. But so much of what people talk about when they talk about the economy doesn't seem real to me. I know there's not a lot going on out there because there's less money, less going on, but it's hard to fit it all into my head because I can't get to the bottom of it to begin with. Things like online forms exacerbate this. It's like if they're not going to read my CV, they could at least admit to it. So we spent some time on that.
I talked about how I'd like to channel these feelings into what I'm writing, if I had the space - that if I wasn't doing cover letters, I'd be writing instead. So we talked about writing as self-expression, and how I go about that. When it's fiction, it's not me, but if I can make the emotion authentic, then I know I'm properly communicating. And that's something which I can fit into my head.