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Day-to-day running around.
For running on about four hours' sleep, therapy went pretty well today. I didn't think we'd talk about much, but once we got started we kept on going until we got somewhere. I mentioned I finally got my Meet The Medic print framed and hung properly, last Friday as it turns out, and I just couldn't stop smiling when I talked about how good he looks on the wall and how nice it was to see him there. I told her about the art I've got on my walls, and how I'm finally feeling settled in, at least to this small living space.
When I mentioned things I liked about the city, I specifically said I'd miss the Union Square farmers' market. Like I'm already thinking of it in past tense. I still don't have the feeling I'll stay here, or that this is really where I'll live for a very long time. I wouldn't mind that too much, and if I had a job keeping me around I might even be genuinely happy about it, but I don't think I'll be able to think of NYC as home the way my parents do. I told my therapist about the attitudes of the residing citizens towards the cities I've been in and how they're all different. NYC is a club where one has to keep proving their membership status, and while you can automatically join by being born here, you still have to prove you're from around here, and there's all sorts of different kinds of New Yorkers mixing up the definitions. Pittsburgh is a giant small town and doesn't ask for much more than being willing to give it a go. San Francisco is also a club, but one based around the city itself - if you're living there, it's for the city and its culture, and if you're enthusiastic about San Francisco, everyone accepts your being there, because that's why they're living there too.
I told her how I didn't really feel like I was awake until I got to college. Some of it was going out and being on my own, and some of it was being in a big city like that and having my eyes opened. I still feel like California's home in a way the east coast never will. My parents are from here and love it here, and love being back here after so much time out west, but that's where I come from and it's where I want to end up someday. I don't know if I can think of myself as a New Yorker. I don't think I'm suited for it.
When I mentioned things I liked about the city, I specifically said I'd miss the Union Square farmers' market. Like I'm already thinking of it in past tense. I still don't have the feeling I'll stay here, or that this is really where I'll live for a very long time. I wouldn't mind that too much, and if I had a job keeping me around I might even be genuinely happy about it, but I don't think I'll be able to think of NYC as home the way my parents do. I told my therapist about the attitudes of the residing citizens towards the cities I've been in and how they're all different. NYC is a club where one has to keep proving their membership status, and while you can automatically join by being born here, you still have to prove you're from around here, and there's all sorts of different kinds of New Yorkers mixing up the definitions. Pittsburgh is a giant small town and doesn't ask for much more than being willing to give it a go. San Francisco is also a club, but one based around the city itself - if you're living there, it's for the city and its culture, and if you're enthusiastic about San Francisco, everyone accepts your being there, because that's why they're living there too.
I told her how I didn't really feel like I was awake until I got to college. Some of it was going out and being on my own, and some of it was being in a big city like that and having my eyes opened. I still feel like California's home in a way the east coast never will. My parents are from here and love it here, and love being back here after so much time out west, but that's where I come from and it's where I want to end up someday. I don't know if I can think of myself as a New Yorker. I don't think I'm suited for it.