Nursery rhymes to paralyze.

[hannah]

Today I went to Bloomingdale's with my mother and my younger brother. I left with a dress, and then we went to Daffy's, where I left with two new bags, a small umbrella, some tights, and some socks. It was a struggle for us to get to the point where I could say yes to the socks.

All I needed to do was glance at a dress and see if the neckline was too frilly or open, if it folded over too much, if it didn't have sleeves, if there were shoulder pads, if the sleeve openings were too loose, if it was a tube with holes cut out for the arms and head, if it had a huge buckle on it somewhere - and I know a lot of it was the environment, where I kept getting things pressed at me without the presser taking the time beforehand to ask what or why. I didn't care about the names of the people that'd drawn up the original designs: I cared how it looked and felt, and how it worked on my body. There was one two-minute period where I talked to a saleswoman about what I was looking for, and she commented I was petite. I told her flat-out "If I weigh more than 140 pounds the industry won't call me petite." She said it was my height, which is true, since I'm five-four on a good day. I still pressed I wouldn't classified as petite.

Weirdly enough, it was my younger brother instead of my mom who took the time to ask, "So what are you looking for in a dress?" All my mother seemed to do was pull out dresses and see if I liked them or not without ever asking what I did or didn't like or what I wanted. It didn't take much for me to start saying "no" automatically because I knew she wouldn't pull out anything I wanted. At Daffy's she wanted me to get a formal coat, but kept getting ones with shoulder pads, or ones that were too puffed, or ones that were too short, or ones with huge built-in belts with huge buckles. When I had a moment of permission, I walked around for a few seconds and then went right over to a section that interested me that might have had something I'd liked if I was in a mood to say "yes" to something. But I wasn't, so I didn't leave with anything.

Both my mother and I wanted me to leave the stores with clothes that would help communicate the message that I am Serious And Professional, but neither of us knew how to communicate with the other in terms of being able to reach that goal. I didn't have the words to describe what I was looking for, and I didn't even get my measurements done so I could make a reasonable guess at dresses sold online.

I'm an excellent female. But I don't have the vocabulary or skills to be feminine. Aptitude, sure, but without the ways or means to make use of that.

Comments

[ayalesca.livejournal.com]

Bah. I'll be your personal shopper next time. It really sucks having people just shove stuff at you without any real consideration.

(and actually 5'3" is the upper limit of petite - but she's right in that industrially it's defined as below a certain height, when proportions they use to make patterns for not-petite start failing even harder than they normally do. so you're not petite, but it is defined by height.)

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I appreciate that. It's really hard to communicate things sometimes, and sheesh, it's like they're saying body fat is wrong somehow.

(Gmail knocked me out and won't let me sign back in, for some reason. Fuck.)

[pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com]

That's neat about your brother. Sometimes guys just have a clearer perspective on things. :)

[marialuminous.livejournal.com]

I've had that kind of frustration with shoes sometimes. I want laces or buckles that actually DO something (i.e. no Mary Janes with elastic on the buckles), I want low heels or no heels, I want something I can walk a few miles in without hurting myself. Feminine fashion so often translates into covering it with ribbons and bows, using flimsier materials, and incorporating fewer practical details. It is so frustrating. You have my sympathy.

I saw you linking to some online catalogs a day or so ago -- it might be less hassle to look through those when you are feeling less flustered about it, and order a few things. Make sure that they have a very good exchange policy, so that you can try them on in the comfort of your home, take your time thinking about it, and send it back if it isn't right for you. Those catalogs also make it easy to order multiple dresses in one color, once you find a size and style that suits you. That might be preferable to the sensory overload of going to the store, and if you offered to invite your mother over for a fashion show when it's done, she might even want to help pitch in money for it.

And I have been able to take some of my measurements myself. It takes standing still and a steady hand, and there are some parts I can't reach well, but it is enough to give me a good idea of what size I am. And the good news about dresses is that they are one of the more forgiving articles of clothing; some of my favorite dresses fit me even when my size fluctuates somewhat.

And good luck. Clothes shopping is hard, and especially so when you know what you want, but cannot find it easily.