Fic year in review.
As is the case for the last few times I've done this question set, I only finished and posted one major fic this past year - no drabbles, no ficlets, no chat logs cleaned up and edited to be read as short narrative sketches. Just the one long fic.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Set Off Like Geese, 80855 words. Gen-focused all-human AU.
Summary: There's still a Sunnydale. There's still a Buffy Summers living on Revello Drive. There's still strange people with business of their own coming to town. Except this time around, Spike and Drusilla didn't come for the Hellmouth or the Slayer. They weren’t looking for power or fame or glory, and they weren't staying so they could end the world. This time around, it was just as good a place as any other to stop for a while until they were ready to move on again. They weren't expecting anything more.
This time around, they stayed because they found out it was a place they might have a chance at a future.
What was my inspiration for this fic? How did it come to me? My usual tactic is to add some metaphor or fantasy to a mundane canon in order to externalize an inner trait and offer a clearer explanation for my given reading of the text or a character. This time around, as I said to![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
petra, "Strip away the metaphoric conditions to show people exactly what it is in the characters that whispered to me." She replied, "The pain shows better without the metaphors."
Other things which pushed me to roll up my sleeves: disability representation, the flatness of all-human AUs, and vampires' liminal status.
When I got into Buffy in 2016, I began looking around for fic and meta dealing with its depiction of mental illness and disabilities - physical or mental. I didn't find much, and most of what I came across didn't have the depth or detail I was hoping for. I kept searching, and kept coming away dissatisfied at the lack of attention people gave to one of the more nuanced aspects of the canon. I sat down and gave some thought to what I wanted to construct, talked it out with some people, and did what I could with it.
Another trend I noticed was for all-human AUs to flatten out the characters and situations. Maybe everyone's a high school student, even Angel and Darla. Maybe they're all so far removed from the canon the story isn't saying much about the canon itself anymore. Nothing much seemed eager to explore the depth and complexity of the relationships that existed even without the fantastical aspects - consider all the pieces both in and outside of fandom written about the strengths of the friendships between the core Scooby gang, and Giles's paternal support for Buffy. It seemed a shame to give that all up.
The liminal space vampires are presented with has a way of echoing back to me and my own life, and what I wanted to say about social perception of the disabled. Vampires are beings of great power and danger, and they hold virtually no societal standing. Spike and Drusilla are massively well-educated but have no practical methods to turn their disorganized skill sets into practical labor. They're trusted with the well-being of other people, but they don't even have the civil responsibility of library cards - Dawn checks out their library books on her card, so while they're looking after her, she takes care of them.
There was a lot I wanted to say, and I think I managed to say most of it.
What’s my favorite part of the fic? Being able to accurately translate the characters from the fantastic into the mundane and still have them stay themselves.
What’s the part of the fic I’m most proud of? The two second-person point of view chapters.
What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write? The two second-person point of view chapters.
What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with? The scene of Spike and Dawn on the back porch after she saw him naked communicated the information the story needed, but I never found myself fully satisfied with the rhythm of the moment. The beats, sure, but not the rhythm.
Who’s my favorite character in the fic? Dawn. Not Spike or Buffy, though I loved working with them in this context. I loved working with Dawn because of how much information she could take in, and how because she was adjacent to all these strange people but not quite one of them, she was able to express both sympathy and genuine affection. And because she was a child, and operating without decades of collective reinforcement of proper social norms and mores, she could engage with them directly in ways other people around her sometimes struggled to achieve. Even Buffy had trouble with that. Granted, Spike and Dru didn't, but they also didn't carry a significant percentage of the narrative through their eyes, either.
Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction? No. I had it fairly well planned and outlined before I started, and I knew what I wanted to accomplish in terms of emotional growth and character arcs.
Was there anything I only learned about the fic after I had finished it (themes, motifs, symbolism, etc)? Both Spike and Drusilla's major hobbies - ornithology and astronomy - require looking upwards at the sky. Also, that the two of them worked as effective foils for all three Summers women in three distinctive ways, which was something I didn't realize until I was chatting with one of my beta-readers.
Did anyone in the fic surprise me by doing anything? Andrew surprised me by showing up. I didn't plan on him making an on-screen appearance, but then I began drafting, and I saw exactly where he needed to go. Joyce's quiet ambivalence with her life and the ordinary dissatisfaction she felt over certain parts of it - most particularly in the Fourth of July scene - also surprised me, because until I started writing her, I never listened to her all that closely.
If I had to sum up this fic in a sentence, what would it be? "Learning how to be a monstrous person."
If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change? I'd make sure to give myself another month to slow down and read the draft out loud. Rereading it for this question set, I can see the places - sometimes just three or four words, or a specific noun or verb choice - that could have used another pass to make them really shine. I'd also like to have given a tiny bit more attention to Willow and Xander's families representing the two major Sunnydale economic focuses of the blue-collar cannery and the white-collar university, and how that impacted high school society. By which I mean, maybe another four sentences scattered throughout.
Did any thing about this fic’s reception surprise me? That other people wanted to read the story, too. Not just that they liked it, and not even that I broke their hearts and put them back together again: that they'd wanted my words. "This was the story I didn't know I needed until I began to read it" had me stunned for days and still shakes me, in a good way.
What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic? There are a lot of long sentences I needed to make shorter and a lot of clauses I needed to simplify. Everyone is kept in character. This is a heartbreakingly accurate depiction of living with major depression.
If I were to write a sequel to this fic, what would it be about? I've discussed this with a few people already: it'd be the obligatory post-season five summer fic, with Dawn running away to Sunnydale to escape her life and be with her friends.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Set Off Like Geese, 80855 words. Gen-focused all-human AU.
Summary: There's still a Sunnydale. There's still a Buffy Summers living on Revello Drive. There's still strange people with business of their own coming to town. Except this time around, Spike and Drusilla didn't come for the Hellmouth or the Slayer. They weren’t looking for power or fame or glory, and they weren't staying so they could end the world. This time around, it was just as good a place as any other to stop for a while until they were ready to move on again. They weren't expecting anything more.
This time around, they stayed because they found out it was a place they might have a chance at a future.
What was my inspiration for this fic? How did it come to me? My usual tactic is to add some metaphor or fantasy to a mundane canon in order to externalize an inner trait and offer a clearer explanation for my given reading of the text or a character. This time around, as I said to
petra, "Strip away the metaphoric conditions to show people exactly what it is in the characters that whispered to me." She replied, "The pain shows better without the metaphors."Other things which pushed me to roll up my sleeves: disability representation, the flatness of all-human AUs, and vampires' liminal status.
When I got into Buffy in 2016, I began looking around for fic and meta dealing with its depiction of mental illness and disabilities - physical or mental. I didn't find much, and most of what I came across didn't have the depth or detail I was hoping for. I kept searching, and kept coming away dissatisfied at the lack of attention people gave to one of the more nuanced aspects of the canon. I sat down and gave some thought to what I wanted to construct, talked it out with some people, and did what I could with it.
Another trend I noticed was for all-human AUs to flatten out the characters and situations. Maybe everyone's a high school student, even Angel and Darla. Maybe they're all so far removed from the canon the story isn't saying much about the canon itself anymore. Nothing much seemed eager to explore the depth and complexity of the relationships that existed even without the fantastical aspects - consider all the pieces both in and outside of fandom written about the strengths of the friendships between the core Scooby gang, and Giles's paternal support for Buffy. It seemed a shame to give that all up.
The liminal space vampires are presented with has a way of echoing back to me and my own life, and what I wanted to say about social perception of the disabled. Vampires are beings of great power and danger, and they hold virtually no societal standing. Spike and Drusilla are massively well-educated but have no practical methods to turn their disorganized skill sets into practical labor. They're trusted with the well-being of other people, but they don't even have the civil responsibility of library cards - Dawn checks out their library books on her card, so while they're looking after her, she takes care of them.
There was a lot I wanted to say, and I think I managed to say most of it.
What’s my favorite part of the fic? Being able to accurately translate the characters from the fantastic into the mundane and still have them stay themselves.
What’s the part of the fic I’m most proud of? The two second-person point of view chapters.
What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write? The two second-person point of view chapters.
What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with? The scene of Spike and Dawn on the back porch after she saw him naked communicated the information the story needed, but I never found myself fully satisfied with the rhythm of the moment. The beats, sure, but not the rhythm.
Who’s my favorite character in the fic? Dawn. Not Spike or Buffy, though I loved working with them in this context. I loved working with Dawn because of how much information she could take in, and how because she was adjacent to all these strange people but not quite one of them, she was able to express both sympathy and genuine affection. And because she was a child, and operating without decades of collective reinforcement of proper social norms and mores, she could engage with them directly in ways other people around her sometimes struggled to achieve. Even Buffy had trouble with that. Granted, Spike and Dru didn't, but they also didn't carry a significant percentage of the narrative through their eyes, either.
Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction? No. I had it fairly well planned and outlined before I started, and I knew what I wanted to accomplish in terms of emotional growth and character arcs.
Was there anything I only learned about the fic after I had finished it (themes, motifs, symbolism, etc)? Both Spike and Drusilla's major hobbies - ornithology and astronomy - require looking upwards at the sky. Also, that the two of them worked as effective foils for all three Summers women in three distinctive ways, which was something I didn't realize until I was chatting with one of my beta-readers.
Did anyone in the fic surprise me by doing anything? Andrew surprised me by showing up. I didn't plan on him making an on-screen appearance, but then I began drafting, and I saw exactly where he needed to go. Joyce's quiet ambivalence with her life and the ordinary dissatisfaction she felt over certain parts of it - most particularly in the Fourth of July scene - also surprised me, because until I started writing her, I never listened to her all that closely.
If I had to sum up this fic in a sentence, what would it be? "Learning how to be a monstrous person."
If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change? I'd make sure to give myself another month to slow down and read the draft out loud. Rereading it for this question set, I can see the places - sometimes just three or four words, or a specific noun or verb choice - that could have used another pass to make them really shine. I'd also like to have given a tiny bit more attention to Willow and Xander's families representing the two major Sunnydale economic focuses of the blue-collar cannery and the white-collar university, and how that impacted high school society. By which I mean, maybe another four sentences scattered throughout.
Did any thing about this fic’s reception surprise me? That other people wanted to read the story, too. Not just that they liked it, and not even that I broke their hearts and put them back together again: that they'd wanted my words. "This was the story I didn't know I needed until I began to read it" had me stunned for days and still shakes me, in a good way.
What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic? There are a lot of long sentences I needed to make shorter and a lot of clauses I needed to simplify. Everyone is kept in character. This is a heartbreakingly accurate depiction of living with major depression.
If I were to write a sequel to this fic, what would it be about? I've discussed this with a few people already: it'd be the obligatory post-season five summer fic, with Dawn running away to Sunnydale to escape her life and be with her friends.
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Went to mark it for later and saw I already had.