Drinking those moments.

[hannah]

There really isn't much of anything better I can do to make myself feel as feminine as possible than for me to go to the gym and throw my body weight around. I mean that - I can clean and jerk a little more than half my bodyweight, snatch just under half, squat it, and deadlift slightly more. Pretty much anything I do that involves me picking up something heavy and moving it around leaves me tired, sweaty, and feeling like a duchess. It's something I'm actively trying to cultivate, especially on powerlifting days.

I know a decent chunk of why is because it's pretty common for me to look around and realize I'm the only girl around - lifting freeweights, using a squat platform, on this whole floor of the gym. When I'm outnumbered like that, it's hard to forget about things like gender.

The rest of it, though, the better part in all senses of the term, that comes from me actually doing the lifting. I'm never more aware of my body in space and what I can do with it than when I'm doing a heavy physical task. What I'm capable of, what I can take pride in. What my body is doing at that precise moment. When I'm wearing a nice dress and good shoes, I'm aware of myself and what I'm doing, yes. But it's nowhere near the same thing.

It's not that one feels more honest or manufactured or real. It's that one feels far more earned.