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Same words, different language.
I think I figured out why I have so much trouble talking to my boss, and for that matter, most of the people at work: they all talk like New Yorkers. I talk like a Californian. The difference isn't just tonal inflection and accent - though that's definitely present. It's more in terms of what's considered to be proper speech patterns.
The New Yorkers are all very forward, very loud and vocal, demanding of time, talking over each other and listening at the same time. Volume rises without hesitation. There's often a priming statement preceding a question to let me know one will be asked, or something will be asked of me - Let me tell you. Let me ask you. Let me be clear.
I'll wait until someone else is done to start talking. If I see someone is busy and it's not just a matter of getting a signature, I don't barge in but ask if this is a good time - or wait for them to clearly have less to do, such as everyone but the person I want to talk to leaving the conference table. I expect "how are you" to be a genuine question, not a perfunctory greeting. If I ask a question, I just ask it without doing any priming.
The "how are you" thing is something that tripped me up in Pittsburgh, and I'm not exaggerating when I say someone asked me that while we passed in the hallway - him going one direction, me going in another, not even making eye contact, without any hope for a response. He asked and kept on walking. I try to give unusual or full responses - "Tentatively hopeful!" "Not too badly, I managed to track down a few more rights of internment but at the same time..." - in the hopes that I'll get some contact in return. As best as I can determine, the easy increase in volume in casual conversation is probably just one of many things that's risen up to cut through all the New York City noise and force someone to give the speaker their attention. Which just makes me want to quietly slink off and hide in a corner for a while, because I always think that if they weren't being loud to begin with, nobody would need to match their volume. The office isn't big or crowded, and I can hear people in their own offices down the hall and around the corner if no doors are shut. And I don't think it's that I have fabulous hearing - I think they're just used to being loud.
The New Yorkers are all very forward, very loud and vocal, demanding of time, talking over each other and listening at the same time. Volume rises without hesitation. There's often a priming statement preceding a question to let me know one will be asked, or something will be asked of me - Let me tell you. Let me ask you. Let me be clear.
I'll wait until someone else is done to start talking. If I see someone is busy and it's not just a matter of getting a signature, I don't barge in but ask if this is a good time - or wait for them to clearly have less to do, such as everyone but the person I want to talk to leaving the conference table. I expect "how are you" to be a genuine question, not a perfunctory greeting. If I ask a question, I just ask it without doing any priming.
The "how are you" thing is something that tripped me up in Pittsburgh, and I'm not exaggerating when I say someone asked me that while we passed in the hallway - him going one direction, me going in another, not even making eye contact, without any hope for a response. He asked and kept on walking. I try to give unusual or full responses - "Tentatively hopeful!" "Not too badly, I managed to track down a few more rights of internment but at the same time..." - in the hopes that I'll get some contact in return. As best as I can determine, the easy increase in volume in casual conversation is probably just one of many things that's risen up to cut through all the New York City noise and force someone to give the speaker their attention. Which just makes me want to quietly slink off and hide in a corner for a while, because I always think that if they weren't being loud to begin with, nobody would need to match their volume. The office isn't big or crowded, and I can hear people in their own offices down the hall and around the corner if no doors are shut. And I don't think it's that I have fabulous hearing - I think they're just used to being loud.