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Nineth of the nineth.
To have them readily available, 25 Movies Boiled Down To One Sentence Apiece and 25 More Movies Boiled Down to One Sentence Apiece.
1. Ghostbusters: No matter how big and wild and crazy and wonderful a job sounds, it’s probably just a job to the people who do it.
2. Night of the Living Dead: The biggest threat in any crisis isn’t whatever’s going wrong, it’s the stupid ways people react to it.
3. Up: What’s important in life isn’t whether you achieve what you set out to do, it’s whether the things you did were worth doing.
4. Memento: Revenge is an ultimately hollow and meaningless pursuit that makes you into a monster.
5. The Limey: It still beats not getting revenge.
6. Star Wars: Adventure reveals people’s hidden talents.
7. Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie: If you’re stuck in a bad situation, it helps if you can keep your sense of humor.
8. Labyrinth: If you make a mistake, you have a responsibility to make it right no matter how hard it is.
9. Logan’s Run: It’s easy not to care about a problem until it becomes your problem too.
10. Blade Runner: Anyone who tries to divide the world into “us” and “them” is probably trying to justify the terrible things they do to people.
11. The Little Mermaid: You have to let your kids grow up, even if it means they make some really dumb mistakes.
12. The Wicker Man: The protections of civilization do not extend beyond civilization’s boundaries, and you forget that at your own peril.
13. The Ring: Just because bad things happened to someone does not automatically make them worthy of your sympathy.
14. The Princess Bride: Love is worth everything you have to go through for it.
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark: Obsession can be a very dangerous thing. (Actually, this could be the ultimate message of just about every story ever.)
16. Aliens: Imperialism has consequences.
17. Spider-Man: Being a hero requires sacrificing your own personal happiness.
18. Donnie Darko: Being a hero requires sacrificing your own personal happiness.
19. Pulp Fiction: The path of wickedness might be glamorous, but it’s ultimately poisonous and destructive.
20. A Nightmare on Elm Street: Part of growing up is dealing with the crazy fucked-up world your parents left for you.
21. The Birds: Sometimes bad shit just happens and all you can do is deal with it.
22. The Wedding Banquet: Your parents are always going to be smarter than you are.
23. Doctor Strangelove: People in positions of authority are no less likely to be crazy and/or stupid than the rest of us; in fact, they’re probably moreso.
24. Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Greed and selfishness are ultimately the root cause of all of society’s problems, even the ones that seem minor and unconnected.
25. Transformers: As long as you cram enough giant fighting robots that turn into cars and planes into your movie, it doesn’t have to mean a goddamn thing.
1. The Matrix: Given that we perceive the world entirely through our senses, the ultimate nature of reality will always be subject to irreconcilable doubt.
2. The Matrix Reloaded: Why yes, the Wachowski Brothers would like large sums of money, thank you very much.
3. The Matrix Revolutions: If your agent is good enough, you can get a $110 million dollar sequel greenlit before anyone even sees the movie it’s following.
4. The Terminator: Even though it might feel like you’re an ordinary person powerless to affect the vast sweep of history, you can do more than you might think.
5. Apocalypse Now: It’s easy to lose your perspective on “sanity” when you get too far away from other people.
6. Cast Away: It’s easy to lost your perspective on “sanity” when you get too far away from other people.
7. Road to Perdition: You will never truly understand your father, and you will always miss him.
8. The Lion King: In a world with limited resources, it’s just better that a privileged class of rulers takes the majority of the food and leaves everyone else struggling over scraps, and trying to change this is evil.
9. Grave of the Fireflies: No matter how just your cause, when you go to war you will turn people into victims.
10. I, Robot: Racial prejudice is entirely justified, and all those people who think we can get along are just dupes blinded to the secret cabal who rules the world and plans to murder us all when the time is right!
11. The Dark Knight: Being a hero sometimes means sacrificing your own personal happiness.
12. Jurassic Park: Treat the “little people” nice, because they can make your life a living hell if you screw them over.
13. Resident Evil: Biological warfare is an ultimately suicidal pursuit.
14. Twilight: Dysfunctional, sociopathic stalkers are sexy because they’re really into you!
15. King Kong: Wild animals don’t make good pets, and are best appreciated in their natural habitat from a safe distance.
16. The Shining: It sucks when you’re a kid and parents get a new job that uproots you from your familiar environment.
17. Room 237: Postmodern film critique can lead you down some pretty fucking crazy rabbit holes, dude.
18. Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth 2150 AD: It would really have sucked if the Nazis had won World War II.
19. Stargate: No matter how hard it seems, you have to let go of the past or you might as well be dead.
20. The Wishmaster: A clear head and the ability to think on your feet are immensely valuable.
21. The Omen: As much as you love your children, they’re always going to be a living reminder of your mortality and that’s always going to be faintly unnerving.
22. Friday the 13th: Sometimes people will blame you for shit you didn’t even do, and they can’t be reasoned with.
23. The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Hedonism isn’t as bad as some people proclaim it to be, and only uptight prudes get upset about casual sex and transvestitism…and, um, murder…and…er…cannibalism.
24. Quarantine: Authority figures prefer to operate in secret primarily because they don’t like to be held accountable to the general public for their actions.
25. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Risks are worth taking, because ultimately they (sentence to be continued next year)
1. Ghostbusters: No matter how big and wild and crazy and wonderful a job sounds, it’s probably just a job to the people who do it.
2. Night of the Living Dead: The biggest threat in any crisis isn’t whatever’s going wrong, it’s the stupid ways people react to it.
3. Up: What’s important in life isn’t whether you achieve what you set out to do, it’s whether the things you did were worth doing.
4. Memento: Revenge is an ultimately hollow and meaningless pursuit that makes you into a monster.
5. The Limey: It still beats not getting revenge.
6. Star Wars: Adventure reveals people’s hidden talents.
7. Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie: If you’re stuck in a bad situation, it helps if you can keep your sense of humor.
8. Labyrinth: If you make a mistake, you have a responsibility to make it right no matter how hard it is.
9. Logan’s Run: It’s easy not to care about a problem until it becomes your problem too.
10. Blade Runner: Anyone who tries to divide the world into “us” and “them” is probably trying to justify the terrible things they do to people.
11. The Little Mermaid: You have to let your kids grow up, even if it means they make some really dumb mistakes.
12. The Wicker Man: The protections of civilization do not extend beyond civilization’s boundaries, and you forget that at your own peril.
13. The Ring: Just because bad things happened to someone does not automatically make them worthy of your sympathy.
14. The Princess Bride: Love is worth everything you have to go through for it.
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark: Obsession can be a very dangerous thing. (Actually, this could be the ultimate message of just about every story ever.)
16. Aliens: Imperialism has consequences.
17. Spider-Man: Being a hero requires sacrificing your own personal happiness.
18. Donnie Darko: Being a hero requires sacrificing your own personal happiness.
19. Pulp Fiction: The path of wickedness might be glamorous, but it’s ultimately poisonous and destructive.
20. A Nightmare on Elm Street: Part of growing up is dealing with the crazy fucked-up world your parents left for you.
21. The Birds: Sometimes bad shit just happens and all you can do is deal with it.
22. The Wedding Banquet: Your parents are always going to be smarter than you are.
23. Doctor Strangelove: People in positions of authority are no less likely to be crazy and/or stupid than the rest of us; in fact, they’re probably moreso.
24. Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Greed and selfishness are ultimately the root cause of all of society’s problems, even the ones that seem minor and unconnected.
25. Transformers: As long as you cram enough giant fighting robots that turn into cars and planes into your movie, it doesn’t have to mean a goddamn thing.
1. The Matrix: Given that we perceive the world entirely through our senses, the ultimate nature of reality will always be subject to irreconcilable doubt.
2. The Matrix Reloaded: Why yes, the Wachowski Brothers would like large sums of money, thank you very much.
3. The Matrix Revolutions: If your agent is good enough, you can get a $110 million dollar sequel greenlit before anyone even sees the movie it’s following.
4. The Terminator: Even though it might feel like you’re an ordinary person powerless to affect the vast sweep of history, you can do more than you might think.
5. Apocalypse Now: It’s easy to lose your perspective on “sanity” when you get too far away from other people.
6. Cast Away: It’s easy to lost your perspective on “sanity” when you get too far away from other people.
7. Road to Perdition: You will never truly understand your father, and you will always miss him.
8. The Lion King: In a world with limited resources, it’s just better that a privileged class of rulers takes the majority of the food and leaves everyone else struggling over scraps, and trying to change this is evil.
9. Grave of the Fireflies: No matter how just your cause, when you go to war you will turn people into victims.
10. I, Robot: Racial prejudice is entirely justified, and all those people who think we can get along are just dupes blinded to the secret cabal who rules the world and plans to murder us all when the time is right!
11. The Dark Knight: Being a hero sometimes means sacrificing your own personal happiness.
12. Jurassic Park: Treat the “little people” nice, because they can make your life a living hell if you screw them over.
13. Resident Evil: Biological warfare is an ultimately suicidal pursuit.
14. Twilight: Dysfunctional, sociopathic stalkers are sexy because they’re really into you!
15. King Kong: Wild animals don’t make good pets, and are best appreciated in their natural habitat from a safe distance.
16. The Shining: It sucks when you’re a kid and parents get a new job that uproots you from your familiar environment.
17. Room 237: Postmodern film critique can lead you down some pretty fucking crazy rabbit holes, dude.
18. Doctor Who and the Dalek Invasion of Earth 2150 AD: It would really have sucked if the Nazis had won World War II.
19. Stargate: No matter how hard it seems, you have to let go of the past or you might as well be dead.
20. The Wishmaster: A clear head and the ability to think on your feet are immensely valuable.
21. The Omen: As much as you love your children, they’re always going to be a living reminder of your mortality and that’s always going to be faintly unnerving.
22. Friday the 13th: Sometimes people will blame you for shit you didn’t even do, and they can’t be reasoned with.
23. The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Hedonism isn’t as bad as some people proclaim it to be, and only uptight prudes get upset about casual sex and transvestitism…and, um, murder…and…er…cannibalism.
24. Quarantine: Authority figures prefer to operate in secret primarily because they don’t like to be held accountable to the general public for their actions.
25. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Risks are worth taking, because ultimately they (sentence to be continued next year)