hannah: (Marilyn Monroe - mycrime)
Day 15

In your own space, write a love letter to Fandom in general, to a particular fandom, to a trope, a relationship, a character, or to your flist/circle/followers. Share you love and squee as loud as you want to. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so

A brief thank-you note suitable for Pancake and Frank's cards

Dear Fandom,

We've been together for more than half my life. In many ways, you're my most consistent relationship and my constant companion. Every day I'm aware of your presence, whether it's a smile over a fond memory or a decision based on your lasting influence, and every day I'm thankful you're here. I don't know where I'd be without you, except less. Less happy, less engaged, less myself.

Fandom, you help me be myself.

And for that, I will always thank you.


Day 14

Jan. 14th, 2017 05:15 pm
hannah: (Perry Cox - rullaroo)
Day 14
Go forth and commit an act of kindness. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it, tell us about it if you’re comfortable doing so.


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hannah: (Marilyn Monroe - mycrime)

Day 13
In your own space, write about a moment in fandom that meant a lot to you. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

The two fics I've written for Deep Space Nine, Stubborn Mouths: Humans In Translation and Woven From Your Brown Hair, both focus on an explicitly autistic Julian Bashir. I wrote them because there wasn't anything else even coming close to approaching the concept in almost twenty years of DS9 fandom - I looked hard - and I didn't want to wait around for another couple of decades for someone else to get the idea when I knew I could roll up my sleeves and get to work right away.

I also knew that if I felt the need for this story to exist so sharply, other people probably wanted to read it, too. And I was correct, as the kudos, comments, and bookmarks bear out.

It wasn't writing stories with fairly good staying power and popularity that mean so much to me. That's nice, but it's not the moment.

The moment's come over and over, and every time it happens I have to look away to collect myself and sometimes hold back some tears. Every time. It's when people say "Here I am" or "I heard myself" or "You helped me see myself and I think I know what I am". And I want to shout I'm sorry! I shouldn't have this much power! I didn't -

But then I stop, and I look back, and I recognize the honor that it is to be the one who gave someone else that moment of their own.

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hannah: (Support - fooish_icons)
Day 12

In your own space, post a rec for fannish spaces and resources - comms, challenges, twitters, tumblrs, etc. Tell us about where you hang out. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

[community profile] thisfinecrew is doing a good job of focusing energy and action, and providing ways to use the steam generated by anger and fear.

Franz Kafka said that in a fight between you and the world, bet on the world. Places like [community profile] thisfinecrew offer reminders that it's rarely just you; more often, it's "you and me against the world" and that's often got an even chance.

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hannah: (Rob and Laura - aureliapriscus)
Day 11
In your own space, talk about a creator. Show us why you think they are amazing. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Most of inkandcayenne's icons are lost to internet entropy, and her fic is fairly well split up between small Tumblr posts and her Archive of Our Own account. That said, she still does fabulous work with graphics programs when time allows, and more than once I've stayed up way past my bedtime spitballing crazy AUs and silly crack plots that leave me laughing myself into coughing fits and giggling on the subway for days afterward.

She writes fics with a lot of quiet to them that capture the characters in moments of graceful stillness. She tags like nobody's business, she can lay the meta smackdown if necessary, and she always gets it.

In short, she's the sort of person who makes me unhappy that teleportation doesn't exist because I'd be on her couch practically every weekend if I could, braiding hair and baking cookies and discussing the semiotics of musical cues and color theory while sighing over James Marsters' natural curls. But as it doesn't, I have to settle for gushing about her here.

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hannah: (Dan Rydell - exitmusic__)

Day 10

In your own space, share your love for a trope, cliché, kink, motif, or theme. (More than one is okay, too.) Tell us about it, tell us why you love it, give us some examples and recs. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I've been thinking about this on and off for the past couple of days, thinking hard, and I'm struggling because one of the motifs I love most out of all fiction isn't something I really know easy, preexisting words for. Not even the concept of taking a crack idea and playing it as deadset serious as the canon allows, which happens to be one of my favorite things, because that's easy enough to communicate.

What I love are the bad rats.

Bad rats aren't spacetoasters, though they've got some things in common, like the social alienation and the tendency to stand apart from the rest of the group. Children and animals tend to be easier to get along with. Hugs aren't always welcome. There's a lot of trouble with grasping feelings, and research is necessary to parse out social interactions. Research is sometimes necessary to understand their own feelings. Both bad rats and spacetoasters skew more towards male characters than female ones.

But where the spacetoaster gets their emotions beamed in from a space station orbiting Jupiter, where things have to align in very specific circumstances for a clear, steady broadcast, bad rats have them coming in from the closest radio tower on whatever frequency's available. Spacetoasters have low signals, but a very good signal-to-noise ratio, an almost enviable one, with almost no noise to speak of. Bad rats have too much signal, and too much noise, and sometimes when both are coming in at once there's no way to distinguish between the two.

Julian Bashir was one of my first and best bad rat loves, when I was starting to figure out the concept. He's got a surfeit of feelings and emotions right from the start - and they're not often the proper feelings for the given social interaction, but he can't course-correct because he doesn't usually know what a given social interaction is supposed to be. He takes refuge in his role as a doctor, wearing it as his armor against the world and taking refuge in it as needed - and many times, taking refuge from reality by immersing himself in fantasies and games. When it comes to the people around him, whatever the species, there's a huge learning curve that he can't explain, that he can't get rid of, that exists for pretty much every species he encounters, up to and including his own. He'll believe almost anything, no matter how many times people pull something over on him. He doesn't know where social limits are unless someone comes right out and tells him, and when it comes to extrapolating certain concepts, it's not that he can't do that so much as it is he doesn't know how. But give him a problem, and he'll cut straight through it without thinking or blinking.

A surplus of feelings. Too many badly-connected wires inside the frame. Too much noise for the signal to be clear.

Spike, a recent introduction, someone who's capable of being a deeply monstrous person, who has the literary advantage of a metaphoric condition already built in, and as monstrous as he is, was still capable of being a person. Suzanne Warren, my darling, who was never seen as she was and never got the chance to learn the words she had to use to get the help she needed. Dan Rydell, who manages to be an incredibly stealthy bad rat, is in major need of someone to mend his wiring. At times, Castiel straddles both categories, though I haven't seen the show in several years and can't speak to its ongoing developments.

If anyone has any recs or suggestions of bad rats in media, I'd love to hear them. Because I'm fairly well sure there's more out there that I'd love to meet.

(Oddly enough, the first so-named bad rat I ever met in media isn't a bad rat as I think of them. But it was the best phrase I'd ever seen to even come close to describing what I needed to name.)

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hannah: (Support - fooish_icons)
DAY 9:

Send feedback to two fannish people — they can be anyone you want: a writer who’s made you happy, a moderator of your favorite exchange (not us!), a fanartist you avidly follow… There are so many possibilities. Just let someone know you appreciate their work.

Done! Messages sent out.
hannah: (Library stacks - fooish_icons)
Because I've been on a massive adding spree from the friending meme, and I don't know what people want to know, I'll borrow from [personal profile] darjeeling and open up the floor:

Because we never really know each other as well as we think, in response to this post I'd like you to ask a question. Anything about which you are curious, anything you feel you ought to know about me. Silly, serious, personal, fannish. Ask away.
hannah: (On the pier - fooish_icons)
Day 8

In your own space, make a list of at least 3 things that you like about yourself. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I like that I look good in red.

I like that I can surprise people, and make them happy.

I like that I've learned to recognize the point of diminishing returns - when it really won't do me any good to keep going and I'd be better served stopping for the day, the night, or the week, and returning to work after some time away.

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hannah: (Dar Williams - skadi)
Day 7

In your own space, create a fanwork. Make a drabble, a ficlet, a podfic, or an icon, art or meta or a rec list. Arts and crafts. Draft a critical essay about a particular media. Put together a picspam or a fanmix. Write a review of a Broadway show, a movie, a concert, a poetry reading, a museum trip, a you-should-be-listening-to-this-band essay. Compose some limericks, haikus, free-form poetry, 5-word stories. Document a particular bit of real person canon. Take some pictures. Draw a stick-figure comic. Create something. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Qualifications, MCU, 100 words, gen.

They’d met at one of the bigger after-mission parties. She hadn’t known who she’d started talking to, just diving right into the city’s nighttime beauty and different phones’ graphics capabilities and reception capacity. Now, Darcy knew exactly who she was sitting across from. And it wasn’t for an interview, but a job offer of personal assistant to Miss Pepper Potts herself.

“And you want me because I don’t care who people are?”

“Exactly. Miss Lewis, I need you because I can’t afford to see everyone. And for that, I need the best. I need the woman who took down Thor.”

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hannah: (Martini - fooish_icons)
Today I learned there's a grapefruit equivalent of limoncello, and it is fabulous. So fabulous, I can't remember what it's called. But it exists.

In part, thanks to that, I'm very good and sloshed. While I'm not at the point yet of my nose being numb, I'm drunk enough that on the subway ride back to my apartment I was chanting the three no-Ps to myself - don't puke, don't piss, don't pass out. Because I don't drink much, one infused cranberry/champagne cocktail, one shot of the limoncello-like drink, half a drink of a local pear spirit, and half a fabulous kir royale, is hitting me good and hard and pleasantly. And because I'm me, I was still able to talk to two staff people about the restaurant's closing sale.

Tonight was the last night for a twenty-year neighborhood place. I'd found out about it some days ago, and decided to make an event of it: dress up nicely, take myself out. So I did, and I ate well. A poached egg and spinach salad with blue cheese and a shallot-infused vinaigrette, fluke as the catch of the day on fresh braised greens and small potatoes with more shallots, a pear crumble with whole cranberries and whipped marscapone, some deliciously bitter coffee, and the aforementioned alcoholic drinks, not quite paced well enough but all of them grand. I didn't finish some of them. There wasn't any need to get hammered.

And after I paid and tipped, I took a moment to talk to the manager and one of the staff members about the possibility of the place selling off their stock, as was the case of a restaurant near where I worked this summer. It turns out it will be, so for anyone in the New York City area: on January 18th, Nick and Toni's on West 67th street, just off Broadway, will open their doors to the public to sell off what remains of their inventory after a private restaurateur auction. This will include flatware, silverware, salt and pepper shakers, whatever dry goods, herbs, and spices they weren't able to cook through in their last days, and some pretty delightful coffee cups. I'll see about heading over for some of the coffee cups. But there's no reason one wouldn't try heading over for some new soup bowls or a restaurant-grade cutting board. It's worth it to take in the scope and scale of restaurant cooking in a way the public doesn't often even get the chance to glimpse.

Google tells me it's pompelmocello . It doesn't seem to be commercially available on any large scale. But it's citrus season in the northern hemisphere, and the time is ripe for do-it-yourself projects that will be ready and refreshing come springtime.
hannah: (Across the Universe - windowsill_)
Day 06

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.

Five things I want, from the reasonably practical to the majestic dream. Let's dive right in.

1. Icons! Or icon journal suggestions. Fandom and non-fandom alike. Of all the things to miss about Livejournal's heyday, icon journals are near the top of the list for me. But this might simply be a case of me not knowing where the journals are over here.

2. Recipe blogs! Specifically, fandom recipe blogs. Things like Gourmet Gaming and Inn At The Crossroads and Food Replicator. It's less about the food than taking delight in all the different methods of fannish engagement that are possible now in ways that weren't so easily accessible even a few years ago, and examining the ways fandom has almost reverse-engineered a female-friendly space in greater geek culture by taking refuge in gender conventions. Though picking up new quality recipes to try is nice, too.

3. Transformative works based on my fics. Fanart, cover art, remixes, icons, commentary - it's all good, man.

4. A vid of live-action Marvel media set to "The Future" by The Limousines. No, not just the X-Men movies, no, not all the MCU - I mean all the Marvel movies. Including that Captain America from 1990 and the Ang Lee Hulk and you might as well throw in the Netflix TV shows while we're at it. Because the song would serve as a fantastic commentary on the ongoing cycles of live-action media properties and however much we love them they remain commercial pieces that have to be new and fresh and profitable and art is so often secondary - the way they're built on each other and then the whole thing is tossed out for something completely different ("There's nothing we can say that people won't forget someday"). How every time a Matt Murdock figures out how to do it correctly ("Just when I think I've got it all worked out") another one's brought in ("That's probably when they'll put me in the ground"). And how, even with all that, it doesn't delve into cynicism and nihilism but instead a gleeful existentialism of taking on whatever meaning one cares to apply ("There's nothing we can do that matters/And that's okay").

All the X-Men movie timelines! All the Fantastic Four reboots! All the Spider-Men! All the Daredevils! All the Punishers! ALL THE HULKS! And spinning around Steve Rogers in Times Square when it hits the line "nobody lives to see the future."

(Which I hold would make a fabulous icon, if nobody's up to tackling the vid right now. Because Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are the only ones who've ever lived to see the future.)

5. Not so much for me, but I'd like to see more fandom meetups like the NYC Fanbrunch. I know Boston has one now, and there's talk of pulling one together for the DC area, but I'd like to hear about more small-scale conventions popping up in places like Ann Arbor and Vancouver. Like I said, a majestic dream. But it'd be so sweet to see.

Media post.

Jan. 6th, 2017 03:25 pm
hannah: (Default)
This will be a post for me to keep track of the media I take in this year.Read more... )
hannah: (Reference - fooish_icons)
Day 5

In your own space, post recs for at least three fanworks that you did not create. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

1. Universally Acknowledged, Deep Space Nine, gen. A short, delightful little slice-of-life piece: "Julian and Garak discuss Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice."

2. A History of Summer, Band of Brothers/The Pacific/A League of Their Own threeway fusion/genderswap, gen. Lots of badass, beautiful women playing baseball, this is the sort of thing you really only find in fandom, and that's just one of the many reasons it's great. Pour yourself a cup of coffee or a big mug of tea and settle in.

3. I Am A Conversation, Steven Universe, Steven/Connie. I'm sharing this one largely because it's my brother's very first fic, and he's set off running right out of the gate. And warning for the possible need for tissues.

And this is a fanwork I didn't create, but it's one I'm responsible for because it was written for me, so it's included here as a DVD bonus feature: Stories Told At Night, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Always Coming Home, very nearly gen. What comes after the end of a world. Gentle, sharp, and hopeful in the best spirits of both canons, and simply flat-out wonderful.

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hannah: (Sam and Dean - soaked)
Day 04

Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've interacted with and friend/follow them. Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!"

Last night I sent an email to the women of Buffering the Vampire Slayer telling them how much I enjoy their podcast.

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hannah: (Dar Williams - skadi)
Going through the first season on Buffering the Vampire Slayer is mostly reminding me how much better so many of those early episodes would've been if most of Xander and Willow's plots had been switched. I just listened to the episode on "The Pack" - and come on, hyenas are matriarchal animals to begin with, and Willow could take a moment of serious soul-searching over what she did while possessed. "I've never even eaten a cheeseburger, and now this."

Most of the rest of the series, come to think of it. Of course, to really get the most out of that, Xander and Willow would have had to be queer from the start, but I wouldn't complain about watching that version of the show. "Yes, little podunk Sunnydale High has a GSA, just like if you were back in Los Angeles," Xander says to Buffy. "It's me, Willow, and a bag of Funyuns behind the MPR."

"So the S in that..." Buffy asks.

"I guess now it stands for Slayer," Willow says.

Largely I like to imagine Willow and Xander preparing for big dates in formalware and dancing together with no sexual tension whatsoever, and the ways the show would've played out if the emotional 'heart' of the group had been a young gay man. He'd still have been something of a dick to Willow over her dating partners, like Oz ("I'm not experimenting! Why don't you go experiment!"), but it would've felt very different and might even have been easier to live with if it hadn't come from a misapplied 'nice guy' sense of romantic betrayal.

Keeping Anya around in the later seasons would take some doing, though they managed some reasonable justifications for Spike, so I'm sure they could've done something. Demonic and black magic consultation, for one - she was there, she met that one personally, things like that. Possibly becoming really good friends with Xander's boyfriend, because vengeance knows no gender or sexuality. "I generally wouldn't do it for scorned men unless it was another man doing the scorning...what? You thought the twentieth century invented these things?"
hannah: (Laundry jam - fooish_icons)
Day 03

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year. They can be fannish or not, public or private. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I have framed art that needs to get onto the walls.

I have a project I want to see through to completion, if only so I can begin a new one.

Get better at putting stuff away, not down.

Figure out how to keep things moving among all the different responsibilities, of the two part-time jobs, of classes, of volunteering and of personal health and of creative pursuits. It's not sacrificing that last one which leaves me most worried, since it's going to be three classes this upcoming semester. Even if they're online, it's still going to be a good chunk of time gone, and dropping one would give me the writing time at the sacrifice of spending a longer duration in the program, which isn't the sort of balance I'm after. So that'll be something to parse together.

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hannah: (Library stacks - fooish_icons)
Day 2

In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick by Chris Van Allsburg. My second-grade teacher - I wish I could remember her name; she was an old woman with glasses and gray hair who wore brown dresses, you know the type - gave her class the assignment to pick an illustration and write a story about it. My picture was "The Third Floor Bedroom" and I still remember something of the story, a short piece about the birds flying out and one staying behind to keep a woman company after the rest had gone that I drew a little illustration for. And I also remember my teacher going to photocopy it to share with some of her co-workers.

I don't remember if I immediately thought writing was something I could make into a career or even a way to pay the electric bill. But I do remember feeling proud of myself for what I'd written, and pleased that my teacher liked it enough she'd gone to share it, and wanting to do that again.

The hardback edition I got a few years ago is one of those books I always have with me, no matter how small the dorm room, right there with High Fidelity and Bridge to Terabithia. It's still one of my go-to sources for inspiration and motivation. Kind of like Myst - another deeply formative text, though not quite with the same immediate sense of revelatory self-discovery - I'm always looking to capture that wonder, and see what's just around and past the edges of the frame, if I only look.

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hannah: (Perry Cox - rullaroo)
It's that time of year again:

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Day 1

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

Last year I didn't produce much, but

1. His Motherhood, Scrubs, Cox/Jordan, mpreg. Lady Mad Scientists breaking nature in half to get better maternity leave policy, with bonus soul-searching, relationship building, and bad pregnancy sex. I haven't written anything quite like this in several years, and it's a big, grand feeling to see how much I've grown as a writer since then.

2. This Vorkosigan Saga drabble about Mark and draft horses - I maintain it'd be good for him to interact with an animal that doesn't want or demand much from him, and that doesn't know who he is. As such: a different sort of mountain climbing than what his brother likes.

3. This personal essay about Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and my identification with him, mirrored here, about being a monstrous person and how deeply seeing that - hearing that, really, closing my eyes so I can really listen to someone that talks like I do - still resonates with me.
hannah: (Perry Cox - rullaroo)
Aside from a drabble I wrote for a birthday gift exchange, His Motherhood was the only fic I finished and posted this year. So, as seems to be the running tradition, all the questions in the usual fic in review meme will simply be answered about that one.

His Motherhood, 83,474 words. Cox/Jordan, mpreg, written for the Small Fandoms Bang.
Summary: Cox had thought he’d learned he’d always be alone, and was trying to come to accept what he knew life held for him. Even after finding out about an upcoming medical study that was barely discussed by the medical profession, derided by all respectable sources, fully aware of what it promised and certain he’d never be invited – he surprised himself and applied just the same. Even when his application for an interview passed and he was invited to see if he qualified for rejection, he didn't allowed himself to hope. But maybe it was possible he hadn’t learned as well as he'd thought.

A story about love, family, building and breaking and repairing attachments, and how to carry the past and move into the future.

What was my inspiration for this fic? How did it come to me? An offhanded remark by Cox in the eighth season - "I will gladly admit to anything that's true, no matter how embarrassing. For example, I've always wished that I could carry a child inside of me, and you know, birth it." - struck me as something very specific to admit to, even for an elaborate joke on a comedy series. Within two minutes I was seriously trying to examine why a male character would ever wish for something like that. Within thirty minutes and fandom trope reconstruction in one hand and attachment theory in the other, I got to work. At first I roped a friend into writing with me, and she contributed about half of the good ideas and most of the cheerleading, but real life ate her, so I went ahead and finished it myself.

What’s my favorite part of the fic? Jack's birth scene and the subsequent Ben-Matthias conversation. The heart of the matter, right there.

What’s the part of the fic I’m most proud of? Coordinating all of the moving parts - six different character POVs, the therapy sessions, and the chapter titles, all intended to work together to mimic the movement and structure of the show in a text-based medium.

What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write? The section where Jordan left after fighting with Cox, because I had to balance both characters thinking they were each in the right during a deeply emotional conversation.

What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with? Bits and pieces of the language throughout. I feel like another two months and a second, more careful beta-reader would've helped smooth out some tangled bits of prose, but I had a deadline.

Who’s my favorite character in the fic? Either Hanrahan or Susan's Mother. For all that I loved writing Perry Cox, I had a great time with Hanrahan, and I found myself very curious about Susan's Mother and wouldn't mind spending more time with him.

Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction? The inclusion of the Maugham family not just as someone for Jordan to talk to, but to provide narrative counterbalance, came in fairly late. If they hadn't been there, the narrative would've been much more focused on the Cox family alone.

Was there anything I only learned about the fic after I had finished it (themes, motifs, symbolism, etc)? No, not that I can think of.

Did anyone in the fic surprise me by doing anything? I didn't know Paige was a lesbian until I began working on this. Which wasn't her doing anything besides showing up, but still.

If I had to sum up this fic in a sentence, what would it be? The same as last year, "family is the hardest joy there is."

If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change? Some of the prose segments, to keep things moving smoothly.

Did any thing about this fic’s reception surprise me? No. I knew that this sort of niche trope reconstruction coupled with a small fandom would lead to its relative obscurity, and I'm cool with that.

What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic? I submitted the first ten thousand words to a small round robin critique panel, and the main take-away from that was the first Jordan section came in too soon for the readers to have any sympathy with her. So that was a good lesson in valuing pacing over any personal structural ideas.

If I were to write a sequel to this fic, what would it be about? Either something about Susan's Mother, which would be less a sequel and more a prequel/sidestory as "Woven From Your Brown Hair" was to "Stubborn Mouths", or something about the fifty Matthias Study kids all growing up together and being very close almost-siblings to each other. Because the Study's doctors would've known how important it would be for those children to know people that come from the exact same frame of reference and understand that apart from this one thing - which is both the most important thing about them, and not important at all - they're all normal, ordinary kids.

If there are any other question about the fic, I'd be happy to answer them.
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